A powerful system for practicing feeling good enough, worthy and practicing self love.
Before I introduce you to this 6 Step Formula, my name is Camy Kennedy and I’m a Life Coach for Perfectionists & High Achievers. I am also a recovering perfectionist and have developed this self love system over a period of 15 years of transforming my mindset and coaching others to change their mindset and change their life.
Firstly, let us recognize and accept that having the thought, “I am not good enough” is a normal collective experience of all of humanity, no matter your country of origin or background. This is a collective thought that our fear-based brain has conditioned us with over thousands of years of survival based evolution.
Often, the first step in working through a mindset challenge is accepting that it is okay to be experiencing this challenge. There is nothing wrong with you. You are, in fact, human.
In the below framework I will outline the ACTION process by using an example of my former client – a high achieving military leader who excelled at her job, but often found herself being the one to fix all the problems, and create solutions. She was the “fixer”, yet in her personal relationships and her relationship with herself, she had a pattern of over-giving, lack of valuing herself, which resulted in self-judgment and resentment of others. Her challenge was in allowing herself time and space to rest and recharge during the weekends so that she could head back into the office recharged and ready to lead on Monday morning. I will walk you through this process using her example – and you can surely apply this to your own mindset challenges as well.
This simple formula is outlined as a series of journaling prompt questions. Although you may be tempted to do this exercise in your mind, I assure you it is much more powerful when done in the written form (handwritten if possible). There is a mind- muscle – neurochemical association with writing goals, thoughts, beliefs and patterns. So do it!
I love myself a good acronym, so the one we are using today is ‘ACTION’.
1.Ask 2. Create 3. Think 4. Identity 5. Observe 6. Now, Do!
Use this process as a journaling prompt to work through your beliefs and take new action.
What message is this action / inaction sending me?
- In my client’s example, she was doing laundry / housework all weekend, and never feeling like she had time to rest. This action was making her feel exhausted and resentful. It was sending a message that she was not “good enough” to fully rest and recharge on weekends.
Write out your vision of your outcome as if it is happening right now…
- She wrote out the vision: “During my weekends, my home is a sanctuary, I feel good knowing that I can relax with the dogs, go shopping with friends or simply watch Netflix if I want to. Everything is in it’s place, and I feel great about my surroundings!”
What 1-3 limiting thoughts are coming up for you? What if the opposite was true?
- She believed that hiring a housekeeper made her “lazy”, she didn’t have money for it, and didn’t like asking for help. Thought shift: Hiring a housekeeper is actually providing someone with a job and way to feed their family. She did have the money for it – she was just spending it on haphazard things like coffee, Amazon and eating out. Asking for help (actually providing help to someone who is looking for work) provides mutual benefit!
Create an identity of someone with confidence who values themself. (Real or imagined, Ex. WonderWoman or Thor)
- My client choose an identity of a power animal – a lioness – who didn’t ever ask or apologize for deciding what she wanted and going after it. And that included lying in the sun, looking over her kingdom.
In what ways have you argued for your limitations? What would someone who feels worthy do?
- My client realized she had be arguing for her limitations that she shouldn’t have a housekeeper, couldn’t have a housekeeper, and if she did, people would judge her. The result of this thinking caused her to keep feeling depleted every weekend, and her work weeks increasingly get worse and worse if she didn’t change her thinking. She proclaimed, “someone who felt worthy would hire the house keeper!“
6. Now, Do!
“If I believed I was worthy and my outcome was inevitable, I would ____ AND I commit to doing ____ today!”
- My client committed to reaching out to 3 housekeepers that week, and booked a housekeeper to come the following weekend. She decided that she would feel worthy and even if she wanted to stay home and sit on the couch while the housekeeper cleaned, she would feel good knowing she was investing in a woman’s business and livelihood.
What you should know is that this simple exercise to practice feeling worthy was not just about the housekeeper. This was the first step in a year long coaching process that brought awareness and healing to all of my clients relationships.
Spoiler alert: she’s now retired from the military and building a dream home with her dream partner!
Her 10 year struggle after being in an abusive relationship started to dissolve when she started choosing the things that a person who felt worthy would do. The reason this process is so powerful is because you don’t need to feel it right now, today to begin adopting new beliefs and taking new actions. The actions are what build the confidence and start building up evidence that you are truly worthy.
One of the first steps to feeling worthy can look like this process, and the next step to up-leveling is often finding a mentor, coach or teacher who can support you as you apply this process. To have a conversation about coaching, you can book a discovery call here: www.camykennedy.com/call