Since I’m reading the book “What are you hungry for? by Deepak Chopra, I’m reminded of the time 6 years ago when I cut out all gluten, strictly followed the Blood Type Diet for 40 days and dropped 15 pounds. (Sounds pretty extreme, ey?)
I have the pictures from when I weighed much less than I do now, but I looked in the mirror everyday and thought my thighs were fat.
Looking back, I was doing double cardio, restricting my calories and obsessing about food. I was not happy. When my “diet” was over, I felt so deprived, that I binged on birthday cake and cookies which set me down a path to gain all the weight back.
I am much happier and healthier now living in a body that is 15 pounds heavier, because those extra pounds (still within a healthy body fat range) allow me to enjoy life. Not having to spend 3 hours in the gym daily. Not having to restrict my meals, always be hungry, and always feel like I “can’t” have the things I want when I want to.
Our body image has a lot to do with those closest to us. We probably grew up with some body image issues, maybe a loved one called you pudgy or you were always the “chubby kid”. Once those words are embedded into our souls, they become our identity and it takes work to create a new reality.
For me, I thought I would be loved more and more worthy if my body fat was lower.
I was obsessed with competition in a fitness competition to prove my worth to myself and others close to me. I thought if I did that I would be worthy of their love.
I spent everyday looking in the mirror at my “fat legs” and got up early to do cardio because I was “fat”.
Once I completed my diet and lost 15 pounds, a coach told me I still wasn’t good enough to compete and that I was still 2 months away from stepping on stage. I took that to mean I was not worthy, and didn’t they see how hard I had worked to get my body at my leanest and it still wasn’t good enough?
I wasn’t good enough?
This process of weight loss and weight gain went on for 5 years until 2014 when I decided it would stop once and for all.I was not going to be defined by my bodyfat and the only person who needed to love my body was me.
In 2013, I was training for yet another fitness competition (that I was never going to do), and I was extremely focused on stepping on stage on October 5th in San Diego, despite my coach gently telling my that my body wasn’t ready.
I wanted to do “whatever it takes” to get on stage and “prove” to “them” that I could do it.
Well, I was traveling for work every week, on a plane for hours or driving in a car across the country, and in addition I was doing 3 hours of cardio a day. 3 hours! I was walking on an incline, in addition to sitting in a car compacting my spine, and I developed severe back pain that had me immobilized in pain, and with prodding from a co-worker, I finally went to the doctor.
I went in for an MRI, and was diagnosed with a bulging disc L5-S1 that required me to take 6 weeks off from work.
I went from working hard, eating clean and in the gym for hours a day to laying on my aunt’s floor eating pizza, taking muscle relaxers, and sliding into a depressed mindset. I gained 25 pounds back in 2 months. Here’s my picture at Christmas 2013 when I had to wear stretchy pants and a baggy sweater because none of my jeans would fit.
I moved across the country from CA to NC in the fall of 2013, still recovering from that back injury. I started re-hab in January 2014, and slowly worked on my body. It wasn’t until March 2014 that I was back in the gym, but feeling very self conscious from all the weight I had gained.
I worked in the fitness industry, and no one would recognize me when they saw me…
I’d get that weird look and I’d know they are thinking, “Wow, she got fat”.
In 2014, I decided I was not going to go back to extreme dieting or extreme living.No matter how long it took, I was going to do this the right way.
It took all of 2014 to get back to feeling normal.
Then in 2015, I found the nutritional solution that would change my life.
Along with an amazing community of supportive, positive women, I was able to partner with other people who saw health the same way that I did.
This is superfood nutritional system is a tool that I share with my clients today because it’s not about dieting. It’s about having amazing nutrition and health in our bodies. I do what works for me, and I educate about breaking the rules, stopping the dieting, and loving your body, with the goal that you will find what works for you too.
If you are looking to finally live a balanced lifestyle, then we should work together.
If you are committed to yo-yo dieting and self-sabotaging….then this is probably not the place for you yet. But I hope that some day it is.
This week, I’m a guest host on the first annual Self Love Revolution day on Saturday, August 25, 2016. There will be speakers from across the globe hosting LIVE trainings on everything from relationships, food, to self-love.
Come register for the event and be sure to register for my LIVE webinar:
“Break the Dieting Rules & Love Yourself!”
Where: Zoom Webinar (follow link to register)
When: Saturday, August 27th, 2016 @ 12:30pm EST / 9:30am PST